So, you’re ready to take the dive in to meditation? Hopefully, you have found this guide before confusing yourself with the plethora of information on the internet. I’m going to outline the very steps that I followed when I started my practice along with some key things that I learned along the way.
The necessities
In order to start meditating you will only need a couple of things!
- An open mind
- A private space to yourself
- Time
You don’t need a meditation cushion, meditation beads, candles, incenses, or anything just yet. In fact, I would discourage the financial investment of meditation paraphernalia if you are just getting started. One of the best things about meditation is that it’s free! That’s right, there is no cost for you to sit with yourself. And who else knows yourself better than… yourself?
Have An open mind
First and foremost, you need to have an open mind before you start meditating. Such an open mind, that you would be willing to hear someone out on something logically ridiculous like why water isn’t “wet.” Meditation is mysterious in that… it just works. There are things you may experience that words cannot explain. You could do research on scientific studies on meditation and find some interesting reads, but none explain exactly how or why this simple activity works… And we’re not here to figure that out either. Just understand the importance of an open mind in that what you experience or realize may not align with the laws of the physical world.
Next, get rid of any expectations for what you are hoping to get from meditation. Of course, if you are coming to meditation looking for help, you will have that core expectation. But, avoid creating expectations for outcomes or results from your practice. Like, “I’m going to meditate this one time and everything will be better afterwards.” Meditation actually helps see through expectations and allows for things to be. Trust that in time, your efforts will have purpose.
Location
The next thing is to establish a location for your practice. I would recommend finding a quiet space like a room in your private dwelling or even in a library. Noises can be distracting for the untrained mind and can hamper the quality of a session if you cannot focus. That’s not to say that this issue cannot be overcome, but first impressions are very critical for the untrained mind and a bad experience could lead to not continuing the practice.
Ensure the location can accommodate you if you plan to lie down instead of sitting up. You will eventually want to become accustomed to being able to meditate anywhere so, don’t get attached to the physical space that you designate for your initial practice.
Time
Next, is “time” which I hesitate to mention with what I know now. But since a lot of people are unconsciously driven by time, you will need to figure out how to commit yourself to a daily practice. This is where a lot of people fail to practice… “I don’t have time,” “I’m too busy,” “I would, but…” etc. The point is, you are in control of your time. Let’s be honest – when you don’t feel like you control your time, you will consciously make decisions to do one thing over the other based on how you prioritize things in your mind/life. The moment you decide to do something else over meditating, is the moment you decide not to meditate. Plain and simple, no beating around the bush.
Once you get past the first step of finding time, determine how long you want to practice. Here, I would recommend starting small and working your way up to longer durations. So, if you start with 5-minute sessions, guess what? You only need to make 5-minutes of time out of your schedule! Like a lot of things in life, something is better than nothing… Move at your own pace to increase the intervals.
The practice
Now, for the good stuff – the “How to.” This guide will specifically teach you “Mindfulness meditation,” but I will try to describe things in a general sense for the core fundamentals to translate to other forms of meditation.
Posture
First, decide will you sit or lie down? There are other postures one can practice in that are best left for the flexible and experienced. Even in the sitting posture, you may find that it’s not easy to sit erect for extended periods of time. That said, you could use a chair or sit with your back against something to help support your upper body. If you do decide to lie down, I suggest lying completely flat on your back on a floor or in a bed. Tailor to your own comfort without introducing pillows, blankets, or any other creature comforts.
Regardless of the posture, ensure you have enough room around your body so, that things do not touch any part of your body and distract you. It’s really just about ensuring your comfort so, that you don’t have to move the entire session.
Yes, you read that right – try not to move the whole time. If you have an itch, simply observe the itch. In meditation, you will basically be training your mind to take in raw information without thought. So, when there is an itch, you don’t want to put together the afterthought of itching – simply observe the sensation on the skin. Another scenario is if your legs or any part of your body falls asleep. Watch the feelings that arise from that, but do not take action on it. In any scenario, if you tried to leave it be and cannot focus because of it, just take care of it. There will come a point where it seems like you are forcing the ignorance of the issue and we don’t want to force anything in meditation.
In sitting meditation (Without a prop to sit against), sit with your legs crossed. If you have the flexibility, sit in lotus posture or half-lotus. Rest your hands on your knees so, that your shoulders can hang neutral. I personally do this with palms facing-up, over the knee. Alternatively, you set your hands palm-down on the knee. In lying meditation, I rest my arms slightly away from my side, palms facing up here too. Find what works for you; don’t overthink any of this. Let your hands and finger curl to a natural resting position. The legs shouldn’t be so much of an issue, let them rest and find their natural resting position too.
Lastly, keep your mouth closed by gently biting down. There should be no pressure from the bite. Place your tongue towards the front of the roof of your mouth – this position should feel natural where you aren’t activating muscles for your tongue to reach.
Focal point
In meditation, the individual is concentrating on one thing – their focal point. In Mindfulness meditation, the focal point is the breath. In other forms of meditation, this could be your heart beat, a mantra, or with open-eye meditation – a candle or point on the wall. Whatever it is, understand this is the only thing you are to focus on during your session. No extra sounds, no itches, no thoughts.
No thoughts?! Well you see, here is the common misconception with meditation… The whole point is to catch your mind wandering in to thoughts after you told it to only focus on the breath (per this guide). And it will wander off again and again…. and you will equally catch it and return your focus to the breath. That’s it. You see why I previously called this a “mysterious” technique that just works?
breathing Technique
If you are not aware of what diaphragmatic breathing is at this point, don’t worry about it. I would classify learning that as an intermediate step, especially if you’ve never done it before. Learning two things at once can be difficult so, I would not recommend learning how to breathe using your diaphragm at the same time as learning to meditate. If you are familiar with how to breathe using your diaphragm, assume all references to breathing are through the diaphragm.
In Mindfulness Meditation, we focus on breathing through the nose. Take a moment to forcefully blow air out of your nostrils and pinpoint where you can feel the sensation of that air. Now, do the same thing on a strong in-breath through the nose and locate where you feel the sensation of air. It may or may not be the same spot as your out breath, it doesn’t make a difference. Remember these locations as these will be your focal points for your meditation. Following the breath through these sensations is what you want to have your undivided attention on.
Note that as you are focusing on your breath in meditation, do not control the depth or rate of your breath. Simply let it run its course, much like when you are not consciously paying attention to it.
Meditating
When you are meditating, you are going to focus on your focal point without any thoughts about it. In our case, the breath. So, no “Am I breathing right?” Or, “That breath was too shallow.” Nothing – do no judge the breath.
You will find that your mind has a tendency to wander off in to thoughts. Might be what happened before you sat down or what you have to do after you sit down. Might be something that happened days, months, or years ago. Might be thoughts of the future of your career or yourself. Whatever it is, it is fine and perfectly normal! Just go back to your focal point once you realize where your mind went. And it will wander off again and again…. and you will equally catch it and return your focus to the breath again and again. That’s it.
This brings me to a common misconception with meditation… “I can’t meditate because I can’t stop thinking.” The whole “exercise” is to catch your mind wandering in to thoughts after you previously instructed it to only focus on the breath. Look up the text book definition of concentration…. In a sense, that’s all we are really trying to do here. This is no different from when you have something due for school or work. You set your mind to it and try to accomplish it with minimal distractions. Do you give up on it and just not do it when a distraction comes up? NO. You eventually get past the distraction to accomplish the overall goal. And you eventually develop a skill set to get the task done with less and less effort required on your part each time… The same with meditation!
Aid
If you are struggling with focusing on the breath alone, I found that it helped me early on to mentally vocalize my in and out breaths. So, I would be repeating to myself as I breathe, “In… Out…” No context or anything complex; just two words marking each action. This technique is similar to meditating with a mantra. Another technique, that I came across and still use today is counting five breaths and restart the count after five. Only use these as a crutch to find your focus and not to meditate.
Now, what?
Alright, so hopefully you’ve tried your first mediation session or two. Now, what? I’m almost certain there are a few readers who will say they don’t feel anything or feel any different. Results are not instantaneous. The results, like the practice, build upon itself. Hence, the importance of committing to a practice.
As your practice continues, you should be able to observe your thoughts more consciously outside of meditation. But unlike meditation, we don’t have to stop the thoughts (unless we want to). You watch them as they arise, you watch them as they fade. You watch how they make you feel emotionally. You watch how they affect others. This is “mindfulness” at its core. This ability deepens as you practice and you are eventually able to drive your decisions based on the observations.
Outside of the life changing transformations you may experience, establish a practice. Do it on your own terms and not on mine or anyone else’s. Whatever you decide; 5, 10, 60 minutes a day; once, twice, three times a day; etc. Just do it. Treat it no different from the necessity to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom. Understand that if you have to force time (Not yourself) to meditate, that you may not have a good session. Simply allow your practice to find it’s appropriate time. “Be still like a mountain and flow like water.” – Lao Tzu
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. Consult with a medical professional if you are having any health issues.
Update 12/28/2019: I published a Podcast on Meditation, I encourage you to check it out!
